Spider-Man Homecoming: The TRUE Story
by LorddHumungous
Summary: The truth behind the spiderman movie


Peter, with blood on his hands, marched through the giant weirdly empty building. Across from him he saw eagle man, an old man who flies around in the clucker truck.

"I'm here it's over you're going down I'm here." Peter said.

"Hey peter!" Eagle man called out, surely baiting a meme. Peter was through with his shit.

"Listen you bald faggot, I fucking killed Liz, so you'd better watch your fucking mouth!" Peter yelled, angry for no reason.

Bald eagle thought he was joking

"I fucking slung her like a sticky hand around the ballroom cuz I knew she was your daughter and that you're the bad guy! Her head hit a fucking table!" Peter yelled.

"Ah, Peter. You're too young to know how to sling," then Peter slung eagle man. Basically the definition of slinging had changed. When he slung Liz it was mainly making her fly into walls and people, but he cracked this old ass dad like a whip. All the crusty bones in his body were in the wrong places after he was slung.

The next day Peter went to school. His Asian-Mexican friend, Ricar-Cho was there to greet him. Ricar-cho had become the guy in the chair when he hid in the corner of peters room with a lego Death Star, and Peter got startled and slung his 400 pound body.

The movie ended when Spiderman finally got the guts to sling his mom then go to the school with kill mode on. The audience saw that Spider-Man would return in "Spiderman Retribution", but like conditioned little morons they all stayed in their seats to watch the supposedly "special treat surprise" at the end of each movie which at this point was as predictable as the movie starting in the first place.

Captain America came on the screen. He was smiling.

"Hello fine avengers audience. I would like to inform you of a new avengers tradition. Next time you come to see an avengers movie, if you're a fan of me, Thor or Iron man, bring a box of cheesies, the kind with me on the cover." Captain America then held up a box of avengers kraft cheesies.

"Make them nasty. Make them gross, then dump them back in the box. When the title comes up at the next avengers movie, pour your cheesies into the isle. Let's keep this our little secret. No telling, we'll take down your post if you tell the internet, we'll take down you if you tell your friends. See you at the next avengers movie, where you get to see me and my buddies fight purp."

After this development hit the world, shit got real. The Holk hadn't been included, as there were no Holk shaped cheesies. Holk fans soon became alienated members of society. There was one instance in India where a man claimed to be a captain America fan, but a group of men saw his Holk socks. All thirty of them began beating him down while yelling "HOLK HOLK HOLK HOLK" and he was yelling like "CAPTAIN AMERICA!" But his ruse had already been found out. Shits on liveleak, check it out.

Here in America, the Holk fans are all just fat ladies and children too young to speak. A counter tradition was formed in which the Holk fans would stand up, having eaten crusty green cheesies puffs, and roar like Holk, making a green cloud.

When Avengers 3 rolled around, there was a theater where a whole row of Holk fans did the roar, and there's CCTV footage of the entire theater climbing over their seats to kill the Holk fans.

Real shit started though when a theater in Aurora started selling Cheesies at the concessions. All versions of avengers 3 were retroactively changed to have a new after credits scene. It too just had captain America standing there with a smile on his face.

"I'm very disappointed with our friends in Aurora California. It was supposed to be our little secret, but now I am forced to take action. If you live in Aurora, don't go to see Batman." Captain America said. The next day, all those in Aurora who saw a movie that was NOT the new batman movie were killed in their seats. Men, Women, Children, the disabled, and closeted Holk fans were all murdered for the theaters crimes against trust and friendship.


End file.
